2 posts tagged “drugs”

"It's like I've got a shotgun in my mouth, and I've got my finger on the trigger, and I like the taste of metal." - Robert Downy Jr.'s statement about his drug addiction.

Sry for not updating much. Not much happening really.

Chris came over Sunday and spent the day with me which was pretty cool. At least the fact that we could be in each other's presence without fighting about stupid shit for once.  Oh, yeah, and lots -n- lots of coke & vodka.

Luckily it's all gone though.

I haven't drank or done anything since then and don't really feel the need to.  Weed is just boring. It makes me lazy, unmotivated, and hungry.  I like my uppers.  I told Chris whatever he does to never ever ever bring meth around me.  But he doesn't do the shit anyway so that's a good thing.

I got my car back yesterday and am SUPER happy about it.  I missed her so much.

The 'rents are gone for the weekend and they asked me to check in on the house. So tomorrow i plan on spending the day in the pool, drinking mimosa's, BBQ'ing, and later in the evening, watching a movie in their new home theater. and when i say theater...I MEAN THEATER.  My dad converted their downstairs one car garage into a room that has a huge projection screen, a projector hooked up to their dvd player, surround sound, and 8 recliners setup like they are in a theater, complete with isles and everything.

It's fuckin' SWEET.  I invited chris to come but not sure if he will. I told him we couldn't do any drugs or fuck while there cuz my 'rents are pretty religious and that would be just plain wrong. 

I really have no desire to work today. And I downloaded a bunch of music.  Does anyone have Fergie's new song London Bridge?!! hit me up if you do.

I've got Promiscuous Girl, Sexyback, and Stars Are Blind (3 versions of the song even) to trade if you want. 

Yes, I have a Paris Hilton song. But i like it.

I need to make an appt to see my counselor but sadly, i don't think I'll be able to go back because I'm fucking POOR. The total credit card bill for this whole car ordeal is $943.83. I'm very sad as I don't know how I'm going to pay it off. My 'rents have helped out and my mom said when she starts work again (my mom's the school lunch lady. ahahahaha.) she'll help me out some more.  I'm sure eventually I'll need to look at getting a 2nd job and im sad about that.

I'm tired. Peace out.

I have to admit. Sometimes I like to act like a dirty little whore. Or course not with just anyone. It has to be with the right person. I've only taken on that persona with two people in my life. And in that persona, i will say and do anything you pretty much want me to.

I like to be dominated more than anything. Which is really really odd because I've been molested & raped. Now I'm not into like rape fetishes and shit like that and there are certain actions that I can't handle but meh.

That's funny. I just realized that I treat only those guys i really trust to that persona.

I've come to finally realize and accept that Chris and I are really just better off as fuck partners with no emotional/relationship strings attached.  I also now realize how he will sometimes use sex as a weapon.  Not outright but he knows if he lays the pipe good enough, I'll pretty much do whatever he wants.

But not this time. I was so damn close to paying a bill for him today when i realized, wait. I'm not getting into this cycle with him again.

Last night I picked him up from work cuz he did get me my little surprise. Unfortunately, my dad was also at my house at the time working on my faucet so naturally i cant go home to inhale rails. We decided to go to the river since it was hot as fuck out and i did want to swim. 

Yeah well, we ended up doing it in the back seat of my car. Which was kinda sexay cuz well, see 2nd sentence at the top.  How trashy is that?!?!!? God i love it.

Fuck I love aggressive sex. I love it even more when it's fueled by coke.  And he swears up and down he hasn't fucked anyone since he was with me last. Dude, ok. whatever. just make sure your shit is wrapped at least when you're fucking me.

Well, my dad broke some part and had to drive to Lowe's (which is out of town) to get a part which meant chris never got to come over and do me REAL properly last night but let's just say i was 20 minutes late for work this morning......

Yeah, i'm flirting with fire. but this time I MEAN IT when i say i will not invest in him emotionally like i did before. I've done it twice now with dastardly results and i won't put myself through it again. Yeah. I probably shouldn't be having sex with him still.

I do have to say this though....the stress and tension I've been feeling lately is pretty much gone. Do you know how sucky it is when someone really truly is affected by lack of sex?!?!

ha ha damn i wanna see him tonight.  but i have to keep this strictly sexual. since there is some form of "friendship" there, I dont' mind the occasional dinner or movie or whatnot but no sleeping over and no calling the next day.

coke & cocks ladies.

oh before I forget. I have the following food items in my house for those of you who expressed concern over me not eating:

organic peanut butter
organic jelly
a loaf of bread
soy milk
box of Life cereal
oatmeal
elbow macaroni
soy sauce

I make this really cheapass stirfry noodley stuff with the macaroni & soy sauce. I have a thing for soy sauce right now. it's unnatural. I'd drink the shit if i could.

BTW, I'm a vegetarian.

And I kinda like not having anything else in the house. It's giving me the opportunity to really start fresh with being a vegetarian and shopping properly.