1 post tagged “date”

Well let's see. I was taking St. John's Wort for the bipolar but it made me manicky and although it's nice to be all happy and high and YAY! the racing thoughts and inability to sit still or sleep pretty much made that a lose-lose situation. So I stopped taking it to start taking 5-HTP. Yeah, I pretty much crashed Sunday. 

Rapid cycling is FUN. /sarcasm

Chris still hadn't paid me back the $300 for the phone bill so I called him Monday night cuz he didn't call me back like he said he would and i unleashed yet again. Told him i hated him and wished he would die. Then I felt like total shit for the rest of the night because i started to feel really bad about saying that shit to him. I know he's not been the greatest to me but i haven't been the greatest to him either and never really took full responsibility for it. Well, I felt really really awful and wrote him a letter finally admitting and apologizing for my part in our horrible relationship together.

Called him Tuesday and ended up having the opportunity to apologize. I didn't want anythign to do with him apologizing to me or thinking about all the bad things he's done. It wasn't about comparing who-fucked-who-harder. It was all about me getting out of my system and confessing and seeking forgiveness for my actions alone.

He did pay me back my $300. We did have sex (and it was GOOOOOOD hahahahah imsobad), I did let him borrow my car (stop looking at me like that!!!!) and he bought me groceries, gave me $20 for gas, and some smoke. I did spend about 10 minutes grilling him about what he was going to do in my car and it did get ugly because i just wouldn't accept what he was telling me.

But the joke was on me when he did actually do what he said he was going to do, came back about 45 minutes earlier than i expected, and helped me out with some things.

Yeah, and here's the problem....his phone line gets shut of on the 3rd. but guess whose having second thoughts because of the "nice" time we spent together yesterday?  But then i remember how he uses all my minutes and it takes him FOREVER to pay me back so I don't think there's a chance I'm going to renig on the whole thing.

The 'rents are out of town this weekend and asked me to look over the house. I told chris he could come by and hang if he wanted to.

Oh, and i have a date tonight with this guy i met when i got into my accident. He's cooking me dinner. He's really nice and put together and sadly, I find that to be a weakness. I'm so use to shit that when an opportunity comes where I don't have to fix someone or be their caregiver, I'm like ewww go away.

And let's not forget i fucked my ex last night. fucked him good too. ahahahahahahahahahaaha. God i miss sex. ALOT.

I've been going back to the gym pretty regularly and feel good about it too. I've been running an average of 3-4 miles a day and then doing about 30 minutes or so of toning. I haven't been eating all that well though. I have a bowl of oatmeal in the morning, popcorn for lunch, and a thing of ramen noodles for dinner (but i don't drink the juice cuz that's where all the sodium is).I've managed to get down to about 132 and that makes me happy. But i hate how it's always "just 5 more lbs" for me. My ideal weight is suppose to be 130-144 and I don't want to look like certain socialites who shall remain nameless so my blog isn't found by their crazy fans.

I'm tired. and i dont want to go on my date tonight :((